Belonging by Jeff Gerber

After I had finished speaking on the importance of Belonging at a Horizons Leadership Conference, an adult educator shared her experiences as a high school student. Mary* explained that she was one of those students who did not feel seen, heard, or valued at her high school. But she felt even less safe and secure at home. So she made a habit of arriving at school early as the doors opened each morning. 

Once inside, she would simply sit in the hall for an hour or so waiting for the school day to start. She was struggling emotionally. Her sense of well-being was low. She sometimes wondered if anyone would even notice if she was not at school, or at home, anymore. 

But one morning something happened that gave her some hope. Some hope that maybe she was not invisible after all. Some hope that there were people who cared. One morning, well before there were many other students or staff in the building, a teacher walked down the hall where Mary was sitting and said “Hi”. The next morning the same thing happened. This time he asked her name. 

And this continued every morning that year. He would see Mary, and he would greet her with a simple ‘Hello’, call her by name, sometimes comment on the weather, ask how she was doing, or share a quick dad joke. Mary slowly grew to count on that personal connection each day. It allowed her to see that maybe she wasn’t invisible after all. She was being seen, heard, and valued. There were people who cared. As Mary told the story she credited the simple practice of that teacher connecting with her each morning as getting her through this difficult time in her life. 

Mary’s story is echoed in so much of the research around young people today struggling to find personal connections and a sense of belonging. One third of students self-report to feeling lonely at school. And of these students over half report that weeks can go by at school without someone checking in to see how they are doing.

While these numbers can be alarming, Mary’s story underlines that we all have within us through simple acts of kindness the power to make our schools a place where everyone belongs. 

The adult staff member who made such a difference to Mary provides a model we can all follow. He made the simple choice to be generous with his time and attention, to see a need and fill it by making a human connection, to show up consistently as his best self, and to allow Mary to see that she was being seen, heard, and valued even at this lowest point in her life.

As you walk the halls of your school, who do you see that you could choose to share some of your time and attention with? To stop out and say “Hello”. To ask their name and how they are doing? Everyday you have a chance to step up, show kindness, and to help make your school a place where everyone belongs!

(About the author - Jeff is a member of the CSLA Speaking Team, a member of our Board of Directors, and is blessed to use his years of experience in the world of student leadership speaking at schools and conferences on Leadership, Love, and Belonging. You can connect with him at www.jeffgerber.ca and on Instagram @jeffgpresents).